return

I graduated, in a year that went so fast it took forever. I am pleased, for I used to fear that I would fail in "regular school." I have been to the Middle East.

Now I am at home again: working, eating, and sleeping. Not much else. Reentering the daily life of my family has not really happened, consequently. But maybe that is in some ways a good thing. I'm not actually sure that I could have gone back to the status quo. As my father told me this evening, three adults in one house are bound to experience friction. (Loose paraphrase.)

Having put off for a year the undying questions about my future, I now face them again, and have the same answer to give that I did then: I'm not really sure. Maybe BICS (year two this time), maybe regular college, maybe distance learning. Maybe none of the above. That last option sounds appealing. As to a vocation and appropriate major, again, I have no idea. I do know that I like to read, think, and talk. Actually I like to read and repeat what I've read. Not much thinking really goes into it.

I'm interested in philosophy, really worldview stuff. What are the basic presuppositions, how do they play out in culture, and how do you communicate the gospel to the individuals in that culture. This must not, however, be dry academic inquiry, a pursuit that would be easy for me to retreat into. I might be interested in doing post-graduate work in the field, but for now I have a few other ideas.

What does it mean to love God? To love man? I think more and more that I need to be a servant. As Mr. Raker would say, "Good theology is practical theology." My beliefs are worthless if I do not put them into practice. My actions will either verify or belie my beliefs. In the past I have reacted strongly against a purely humanitarian gospel, practiced by many American churches today, but I find that its direct opposite is no better. One consists of works unfounded in faith, the other is all foundation with no works. Both are dead. I hope to wed orthodoxy and orthopraxis in my life. That would be true orthodoxy.

I have neglected both prayer and the study of God's Word since returning from school. My discipline seemed to fail me, as my own strength always does. Sin and guilt crept into my being. I am vile. In such times I get very low, and begin to doubt my election and God's grace. Then I remember why I am falling into sin and out of communion with God: I am not with God, in prayer and in Scripture. I have to fight to make my calling and election sure. Salvation is of grace alone, but unlike justification, I must actively pursue my sanctification. I am grateful that God caught me this time before I slipped too far. Those he predestined, he called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. It is all of him.

And yet the cynical fatalist in me raises its head. Vestiges of my old nature I suppose. Perhaps I will write again before another nine months elapse.

I really should rename this thing. I'm not a Latin freak.