Ayn Rand

I am reading Atlas Shrugged. Currently I'm in the middle of the 60 page monologue. In many ways it appeals to me; then I glimpse the uglier side of Rand's libertarian utopia, and I am shocked and somehow disappointed. I think that's her mistake. She denies original sin and assumes that some sort of utopia can be attained through libertarian capitalism on the basis of reason. But what is the reason based on? Ultimately it must be subjective. I love her picture of a man unhampered by guilt, seeking and finding joy in truly living, but I can't accept her premise. And I wonder, if she truly understood justification and the radical freedom from guilt found in Christ, would her view of Christianity have been any different? I feel suspended in the antithesis between her morality of the hero and that of the servant she despises.

Pensees

"To make light of philosophy is to be a true philosopher."
Blaise Pascal

I feel overwhelming sadness... for no apparent reason. It presses down and takes my strength and I want to lean on something and cry.

I am lonely.

music?

I heard Denis Matsuev play Rachmaninoff's third piano concerto with the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra last night. The first movement had some wonderful moments, although I felt that Matsuev's playing lacked clarity in places. By the end of the third movement, he had almost completely sacrificed clarity to speed for a Finale that I found frankly disappointing. Technically the guy was brilliant- I could see it. But when an artist sacrifices the music to their technical prowess, when the music becomes a venue for display... I was disgusted by the arrogance. He got a standing ovation (something I might have given him after the first movement) and had to play two encores. After being treated to a frenetic G-minor Prelude, I was ready for the man to stop, but the audience ate it up like kids at a gymnastic competition. So we got more.

Who has set me here?

"When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in an eternity before and after, the small space I fill engulfed in the infinite immensity of spaces whereof I know nothing and which know nothing of me, I am terrified."
Blaise Pascal

thinking...

Economics: I am currently taking a course on the foundations of economics at Grove City College.

The Ludwig von Mises Institute.

Holiness: God is, I am not. Too often, I don't seem to care.

Paul Washer's sermin, "Examine Yourself."

Sometimes I wonder if I have a personality.

That's all.

Also, I love Baroque music. I have discovered an affinity for some jazz as well. And that's Ok. I don't have to find any redeeming value in what you listen to. I can find most music vapid, shallow, and completely pointless if I want to.

2008

I'm not quite sure where 2008 went, but it is over. I have been blessed beyond measure.

Resolutions 2009? To rest in Christ, in whom I am blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.